And it continues

I don't know why I thought things would be slowly heading back to normal.  Last night I caught Brittney in the garage smoking a cigarette.  She didn't flinch when she saw me.  I was taking out the trash and saw her in the far corner of the garage.  I know she just wants some attention and was probably looking to get caught.  Our eyes locked and she stared right through me.  She didn't try to hide her cigarette or put it out. After I put the trash bag in the container I walked over to her.  Instead of having a fit and yelling I decided to just have a cigarette with her.  She had taken one of my boxes from the carton.  She immediately relaxed a little.  I could tell this certainly wasn't her first cigarette ever; she actually inhaled and then exhaled through her nose.  How long has this been going on?  What happened to my little 12 year old soccer player who used to complain when she smelled cigarette smoke?  She looked like someone 12 going on 16.  Brittney even had her own lighter with a 'B' on it.  I was almost too shocked to talk but I just went along with it.  This is all new territory for me.  I want her to be my friend - I need an ally right now with all that's going on with Mark.

In some ways this might bring us closer together.  We started to talk and I enjoyed having a conversation with her.  I think she was waiting for me to tell her not to smoke, waiting for me to yell at her, but I didn't.  Hell, I remember smoking when I was about her age; if this is as bad as it gets I can deal with it.  She mentioned about wanting to have a friend over tomorrow after school, someone named Jamie.  She said she likes Jamie a lot.  I'm both a little nervous and excited to have her tell me about a boy she likes.  After all that's going on this week I guess anything normal is welcome.  She asked if I Jamie could come over after school and I said 'yes'.  I'll make sure Kaitlyn and Cole are on their best behavior.  I'm not ready to see her dating but she can have some boys who are friends.

Mark and I should talk later today.  I really don't want to think about it.  If we could just put this off until after the tryouts next week.