Getting my act together

I've had enough self pity.  It's time for action.  Today KCSA is holding a free pre-tryout clinic for all age groups and I decided the kids would all attend, whether they want to or not.  I got up early and headed to the porch to have a cigarette and was surprised to see Britts out there already, cigarette in hand.  This has got to change, or at least come under control.  She's up at 7:00 smoking and texting.  She's only 12.  I won't ask her stop until after tryouts but I will see if she can cut back.  That's a start.  At least we get the chance to talk when we're both on the porch.  However what she had to say threw me for a loop.  She said she's not sure she even wants to play soccer next year.  Jamie is going to high school and might not try out for KCSA for the fall.  I told Britts that she has to live her own life, do what's best for her, and not revolve around what someone else does or says.  She WILL be trying out next week.

Then she brought up the dance again.  She said the school told her that same-sex couples weren't allowed.  This floored me, not because of the school's decision but because she and Jamie asked the question at school so now people are sure to find out that they're 'dating' or whatever it is they are.  This is just too much for me to handle right now.  However she looked so sad about the whole dance decision.  I'm just not sure what I can do or if I want to do anything.  However I told her that she can't smoke in public, instead can only smoke around the house, outside on the porch.  She agreed.  I wonder how many people at school knows she's smoking and/or dating a girl?  How far removed am I from her life?

Brittney then told me that the upcoming dance is this Friday, six days away.  She and Jamie decided to go as individuals and just meet inside.  I asked her how many people knew she wanted to go to the dance with Jamie and she said all her friends know.  She said they support her.  And then she says Jamie's mom wants to meet me before the dance.  So basically Brittney is going to a dance with another girl and I have to meet her mom first.  Well, with tryouts all next week the only day I could possibly meet Jamie's mom is tomorrow.  Britts said she'll arrange it, which is good because I've got my hands full right now just moving from day to day. 

Then I told her that she, as well as Kaitlyn and Cole, were going to the pre-tryout camp today.  She perked up a little - maybe she's still got that inner fire to play soccer again, or maybe she's just happy that I ok with her going to the dance with Jamie.  And I'm not even sure about that.  Getting Cole and Kaitlyn to agree was another story.  Kaitlyn had her door locked so I unlocked it with a bent paper clip and walked in.  She too was already awake, reading in bed.  I told her that things had to change and she couldn't lock her door anymore.  She didn't look up from her book so I took it away from her.  I told her the soccer camp was in 2 hours and to be fed and in the car by 9:30.  She never answered but eventually got herself dressed and ready to go.  Brittney told me she thinks Kaitlyn is becoming goth, whatever that is.  As long as she keeps her grades up.

Cole was less than enthusiastic about the soccer practice because apparently Mark told him he would be playing baseball in the fall.  I hate Mark now more than ever.  I told Cole to consider this just a fun practice.  He wasn't happy about it but eventually got downstairs for breakfast.

And now they're on the fields for their two hour clinic while I contemplate my next move.  First it's off to Walmart for more cigarettes and wine, and maybe some nicotine gum.